I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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