Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
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oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
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Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.