It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
