I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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