he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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