I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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