garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up under a house in Key West
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