I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
