made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
