I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
