I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
