I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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