Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
