he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
