I wish my penis had an off switch
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
