franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
