i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
