Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
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college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
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Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?