whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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