Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter