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• (586): View more from Michigan

  Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  capris are just wrong

  (703): View more from Virginia

  its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  I woke up with glitter in my wounds.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?

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