I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
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It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
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All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.