I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just want to make out with him forever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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