Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.

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  (805): My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping. http://tfl.nu/dvm6
  Replies (10) Good night (781) Bad night (931)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Yes but- 100% agreed

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  (617): I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick? (1-617): Yes but- 100% agreed http://tfl.nu/cz25
  Replies (29) Good night (3675) Bad night (847)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass

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  (630): his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass http://tfl.nu/ujep
  Replies (36) Good night (8697) Bad night (1082)
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  (845): View more from New York

  don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.

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  (845): don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified. http://tfl.nu/evog
  Replies (15) Good night (1507) Bad night (4428)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.

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  (251): And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day. http://tfl.nu/qr88
  Replies (9) Good night (2729) Bad night (707)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking

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  (801): Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking http://tfl.nu/5hl3
  Replies (11) Good night (3937) Bad night (866)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

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  (305): quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you http://tfl.nu/hg35
  Replies (9) Good night (5250) Bad night (903)
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  (661): View more from California

  Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.

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  (661): Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode. http://tfl.nu/t52r
  Replies (18) Good night (697) Bad night (1495)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.

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  (239): I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life. http://tfl.nu/rpst
  Replies (1) Good night (1200) Bad night (609)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom

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  (503): Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom http://tfl.nu/09st
  Replies (9) Good night (1617) Bad night (547)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.

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  (409): I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look. http://tfl.nu/inz2
  Replies (4) Good night (512) Bad night (1238)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?

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  (540): I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night? http://tfl.nu/328v
  Replies (9) Good night (2532) Bad night (624)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.

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  (402): What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine. http://tfl.nu/guf4
  Replies (7) Good night (610) Bad night (1049)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.

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  (306): I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee. http://tfl.nu/xuxq
  Replies (1) Good night (664) Bad night (251)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.

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  (330): It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is. http://tfl.nu/7216
  Replies (1) Good night (264) Bad night (210)

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