yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
