I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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