i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
