i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
