I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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