I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
