I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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