I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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