when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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