I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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