I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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