fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She told me I should be a condom model.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
