did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
