I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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