I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
