so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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