she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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