Soap is not a condiment
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
