zippers are such a cool invention
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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