Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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