The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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