Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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