i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
