apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
