I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
