A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
