come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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