If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
