By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
