I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
