you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
