So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
