Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
