Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
