Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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