This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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