The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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