i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
