She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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