There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Randomize
