**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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