This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
