let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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