It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
