i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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