She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize