So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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