We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
