i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
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God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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