Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
