this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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