Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
