Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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